Turning them from a promise to myself into reality every day, no matter what life throws at me, takes a system. I thought I hated structure…I fought against it for most of my life. I hated being told what to do.
Why do I have no friends, no life? The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends.
But I knew so well how much the question implied. Lonely and depressed, I had often asked that same question, or at least felt the need to ask it.
Loneliness is a sadness at the loss of close relationships. It drives me to reach out to people. Depression pushes me away from them. When I feel these two at the same time — as I can if the depression is not too severe — the tension of these opposing forces makes it all the harder to find the help I need.
Thinking back over many years of living with depression, I can quickly find many reasons why I had such trouble finding a friend to talk to when I most needed one. Here are some of the problems from my experience. Many people refuse to talk about depression or other serious illnesses.
I first found that out when I had cancer. It was stunning to me that a few people I had known quite well simply disappeared from my life. Depression adds another dimension. When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings.
One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt.
Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone — too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. The result was that I went more deeply into despair.
That only increased the likelihood that I might push myself over the edge. When feeling more numb than despairing, I could often get out and talk to people, even at social gatherings. But I became very nervous at what I might say. But the words I found myself speaking were not at all what I intended.
They had an edge to them, putting a jab into each pleasantry, souring a compliment with a sarcastic tone, or pouring out so much so fast that I sounded impossibly egocentric and uninterested in anyone but myself. I acted like someone I would never want to know. So often, I had to mix with people when I wanted only to hide.It’s horrible.
I feel trapped in a life of routines, sameness and monotony. Seven months of following a set of routines are enough. However, it makes me feel like I sleep walk through part of my day which makes the less routine parts of my day harder to get excited about.
I also find my self procrastinating during my routines because I. Oct 17, · Hacienda Guadalupe Hotel: THE MOST SCARY DAY OF MY LIFE!!! HORRIBLE FEELING THINKING YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGEOUR!!! - See traveler reviews, candid photos, and great deals for Hacienda Guadalupe Hotel at TripAdvisor TripAdvisor reviews.
The best day of my life was when I found out that I was not god. This might of course need some explanation on my part, but once you understand what I mean, you would get my drift.
I grew up as a child with a lot of self-confidence. I was alone most of the time as I was living away from my parents with my . I feel shamed if they know my life problem.
So, day by day, I just pretend and wear mask I feel terribly lonely from within. As bad as I feel my life is I don’t want to end it. I have to believe there is a purpose for me.
I struggle everyday to stay strong and so many times I . A while ago, we were simply having a bad day and decided to compile a list of 10 songs to help us shake it off. In turn, y'all really resonated with our OG playlist, so we thought: why not get a fresh look at the best feel-good songs of today (and yesterday, respectively) for a SECOND version.
Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life.
I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.